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 We
don't grow up until we look up to others
By Chuck Gallozzi
Do you enjoy being admired? Of course you do. We all do. After all,
we have an innate desire to be admired. We want to be respected and
held in high regard. Since we all feel that way, my statement comes
as no surprise. However, what we may overlook is that we have an
equally strong desire to admire and respect others. How can we have
such a desire and be unaware of it?
Well, before we can love,
appreciate, and admire others, we have to love, appreciate, and
admire ourselves. But how can those who were brought up with
constant criticism admire themselves? For they feel defective. If
they are constantly criticised, something must be wrong with them,
they reason. If they are not held in esteem by others, how can they
have self-esteem? And because they do not admire themselves, they do
not learn how to admire others.
The admiration of others is a
mark of maturity. When we are free of emotional baggage and in
control of our lives, we come to accept, appreciate, and admire
others. That's what I mean by saying, "We don't grow up until we
look up to someone." But for those raised in a society, such as
ours, where a preponderance of energy is spent berating, ridiculing,
and criticizing others, it becomes increasingly difficult to learn
the gentle art of admiration for others. Witness the late night
comics that demean the highest office in the land. Witness the
tabloids that proudly announce the latest scandal. Witness, too,
radio talk show hosts and clerics that spew venom at those who
disagree with them. If we are raised in mud, how can we avoid being
covered in mud?
Yet, if a gold chalice were buried in mud for
hundreds of years, it would remain gold. Merely removing it from the
mud and rinsing it off will restore it to its former beauty. We are
no different. If we wash the mud out of our eyes, we would be able
to see the beauty that surrounds us. Everyone we meet is like a
snowflake, uniquely different from any other person. True, those we
meet may be covered in mud, but there is gold beneath it. And every
time we say a kind word to them, a spot of mud dries and falls to
the ground, revealing glittering gold.
Why should we want to
cultivate the art of admiration of others? What better reason than
to grow. We learn about ourselves when we learn who and what we
admire. Admiration is a stepping stone. It raises us to a higher
level. Here 's what Thomas Mann (1875 ~ 1955) had to say about it,
"I have always been an admirer. I regard the gift of admiration as
indispensable if one is to amount to something; I don't know where I
would be without it."
Morihei Ueshiba (1883 ~ 1969) was one
of the world's greatest martial artists, as well as a Japanese
philosopher. He pointed out that besides admiring others, we are to
admire life itself. For everything has something to teach us. In his
book, "The Art of Peace," he writes, "Contemplate the workings of
this world, listen to the words of the wise, and take all that is
good as your own. With this as your base, open your own door to
truth. Do not overlook the truth that is right before you. Study how
water flows in a valley stream, smoothly and freely between the
rocks. Also learn from the holy books and wise people. Everything -
even mountains, rivers, plants, and trees - should be your teacher."
Admiring others doesn't mean holding in awe the rich and
powerful. Rather, it means holding in reverence the benevolent, the
peacemaker, and the compassionate. For when we admire those who
uplift society, we uplift ourselves. What we admire shapes us. What
we detest entraps us. We need to ask ourselves, "Do I want to be
moulded by my admirations or my resentments? When we accept,
appreciate, and admire others, welcoming them into our lives, they
touch us and help make us what we are. When we embrace others, we
embrace life.
Besides being a valuable teacher, admiration is
a source of happiness. For what is admiration but delight in what
is? It is appreciation and gratitude for what is. A grateful heart
is full of joy, while an ungrateful one is full of bitterness. Isn't
the dreariness, dissatisfaction, and depression that hangs over much
of society nothing more than a failure to admire the world and our
fellow l? Those who say, "What is there to admire?" still have mud
in their eyes. We all can find much to admire if we look for it.
When we accept life we grow to appreciate it, then admire it,
later revere it, and finally venerate it. An accepting heart blooms
into a heart of love. And it is love that brings clarity of vision,
which allows us to penetrate into the hearts of others. It dispels
the clouds of prejudice and narrow-mindedness and allows us to learn
from others. True admiration, then, is not about holding some
people, special people, in high regard. Instead, it is about holding
everyone in esteem. For when we look into the eyes of another, we
behold our own reflection.
Those of us who are parents must
exercise vigilance, for the circle of admiration begins at home.
When we hold our children in high regard, they learn that they are
worthy of admiration and begin to admire others. They then start to
reap all the rewards that follow.
Remember, too, that all the
criticism that permeates society is nothing more than cries for
help. People want to be recognised and admired and lash out at
others because they themselves feel deprived. So much so that Saint
Thomas Aquinas taught that withholding compliments and encouragement
is a sin because it withholds food for the hungry. Feed the hungry
that cry at your doorstep by accepting, appreciating, and admiring
them. When you soothe their hunger and quench their thirst, you will
nourish your own soul and spirit.
Another caveat: what we
take for granted, we don't hold in high regard. Who is there more
worthy of admiration than your own spouse? Don't take him or her for
granted. I can honestly say that my admiration for my wife of 40
years has never stopped growing. Not that this is particularly
remarkable, for never ending admiration is the natural consequence
of awareness. You can never admire what you are unaware of. So, wipe
the mud from your eyes, if there is any, and stay attuned to life,
always looking for good, and you will never be disappointed.
© Chuck Gallozzi
http://www.personal-development.com/chuck
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