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HAPPINESS

By Sam Leon – Rotary eClub One

What qualifies me to write a paper on happiness? I don't have a degree in happiness from any university.  Nor do I study happiness as a formal profession. However, I am a happy person and a keen observer of other happy people.

After 40 years of lecturing to small groups of 10 people, large groups of 4000 people, and every type of business and organisation in many countries around the globe, I have developed a pretty good idea of what makes individuals happy. 

So here is my theory of what makes people happy, or otherwise.

Are you happy with yourself?  The way you look, the way you feel?

This question knocks out most people right up front.  "I'm too fat", "I'm too thin", “I'm too short", “I am too tall”, "I hate my hair, my nose, my thin lips, my double chin, my fat legs, etc".  Most people just don't like the way they look, the way they ‘are’ and therefore they don't particularly like themselves.

Do you like your name?  Believe it or not, research indicates that most people in first-world countries dislike their names.  I just don't understand it.  Either love it or change it!

Are you happy with the person or people you live with?

I cannot think of anything worse than waking up each morning totally disliking the person who is your spouse.  I am very happy being married to my wife because we both invest time and effort in each other’s happiness. More about this later in this article.

Are you happy with where you work? Do you like the people with whom you work? Do like what you do to earn a living?

I know it can be tough to get a job.  It can be even tougher to get a really good job that you like.  And if you have been trained in a specific profession or field of endeavour and have always, always practise in that profession or field, I realise it is both difficult and scary to move out of it.  However, if you dislike what you do, and dislike the people with whom you work, do something about it!

Are you happy with where you are going … the direction of your life?

It always amazes me how few people plan.  They are like corks bobbing in the sea being taken by whatever current comes along.  I believe in having a life plan. ‘It is the set of the sail and not the gale, which decides which way they go".  There is no point in being rudderless or "free”, as some people like to look at it, if you are aiming at happiness.

Happiness comes more easily when you have a life plan.

Plan your work … then work your plan.  Sounds simple doesn't it.  And what about the personal financial budgeting plan?  My research has proved time and again that 5% of people budget.  That means 95% of people don't!  And then they worry about finances and feed ongoing unhappiness!

Happiness is a state of mind. If you work at it long enough it becomes a habit and when you are happy, you help make others happy around you. I believe the secret of happiness lies in giving.  If you focus on the wellbeing of others you will soon realise that this can increase your own happiness.

My observation is that happy people tend to be active, not passive.  They have a purpose in life.  They set themselves realistic goals and strive to achieve them.  Whilst they strive for personal advancement, they also seek to make the world a better place in their own small way.  Purpose gives us a greater sense of meaning and a much greater sense of personal control, which in turn adds to our satisfaction with life.

Without question, the greatest gift of giving is our time.  There never appears to be enough time available, and that is why it is so valuable.  I do not believe in 50/50 relationships with my friends, my associates, my business colleagues, my children, my grandchildren and especially my wife.  I believe in 100% / 100% relationships.  I give 100% and in return I expect 100%.  A 100% / 90% relationship means one side is letting the other down. 

So my recommendation is this. Start investing your time, particularly in your loved ones and those closest to you.  Cherish your friendships and never take them for granted. 

Here is a wonderful saying to remember always. Write it down and place it somewhere where you will see it every day, "Make new friends and remember the old … as the former are like silver but the latter are gold.”

I hope the foregoing thoughts and ideas will help you gain more happiness for yourself, and create an opportunity for your family, friends and colleagues to enjoy more happiness too.

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